Over the Love
by RoleofaLifetime55
Summary: College AU. After Jason's near death experience Peter and Jason go their separate ways. Jason goes into treatment to cure his "same sex attraction" and Peter, forsaken by his family and friends goes to UC Berkeley and starts his life anew. 3 years later a chance encounter leads to the resurfacing of old feelings and the revisiting of old roles. Rating may change in later chapters
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing...unfortunately

_Goodbye Until Tomorrow_

"_All I could do was love you hard and let you go"_

It was 3:31 in the morning and Peter was still sitting cross legged on the couch studying for his Performance and Literature final with Wendy. He knew it was their fault. They had no one to blame but themselves. Well...they could blame their past selves like they always did.

"Fuck past us." He said turning to his partner in crime "those guys are so fucking stupid, why didn't they just study when they had the time instead of rewatching episodes of Game of Thrones and going on tumblr?"

"I know. I'm glad present Peter and Wendy are responsible and have learned from past Peter and Wendy's mistakes." She said as she pushed her bangs out of her face and adjusted the textbook she was currently balancing on her knee. "I'm sure this won't happen again now that we have become responsible adults." she smiled her voice laced with several layers of sarcasm.

"That's true. It's not like this happens every semester and we always say the same thing." He said with mock seriousness, the smirk evident in his voice. "I can't believe your stupid boyfriend went to bed. It's not like he's any more prepared than we are." Peter said after a minute or two.

"Well he clearly hasn't learned from past Jason's mistakes."

"Poor thing. It's a shame he hasn't reached our level of maturity." Peter mumbled, not able to suppress the oncoming yawn.

It was strange, he thought as he always did, that his college roommate's name was Jason. Jason Snow, loud and effeminate and silly and surprisingly straight. All the things Jason was not. The more he thought about it though the more he realized that everyone in his life was sort of an antithesis to his Jason. Well, not _his_ Jason. Not anymore. Not for years.

His first year at Berkeley he refused to have a roommate. Too many bad memories, too much baggage. Instead he stayed in a single with just his memories and his baggage to keep him company. He went to his classes, he went back to his room; that was it. That was his life.

His mom would call every monday at 8, his father called, never. She asked him how he was, he said he was "fine", he asked her the same, she said she was "good." She would do most of the talking since talking about his life had become a minefield. She would ask vague questions about his life and he would give her vague answers and then they said goodnight. These phone calls never lasted more than 10 minutes. Neither had much to say. She didn't ask him to come home for the holidays, he didn't ask her if he could. Instead he stayed where he was. Alone and barely living.

That was it for almost a year. His voluntary solitary confinement. Then one incredibly warm day in April, right as his crippling, numbing depression was hitting an all time low he woke up.

He had been preparing for an Intro to Theater exam when he felt compelled to look out his window and what he saw surprised him. It was April. Students were scattered across the grass studying or just talking. Some were playing games. Some were just jogging or cycling through. They all looked so happy, so at ease. They were a part of something. They were warm.

It was April.

Obviously he knew it was April but it hadn't quite registered in his angst-ridden brain. It was April and he hadn't even noticed. He was a freshman in college, he was at UC Berkeley,he was in California, he was studying what he wanted, he could be who he wanted to be and make friends who accepted him for who he was and be with someone who wasn't afraid to hold his hand in public and instead he had squandered his year waiting for his old friends to call and say they were okay with who he was, waiting for his mom to ask him about his life and really want to know, waiting for his dad to pick up the phone just to say hello...waiting for Jason. Stupid fucking Jason.

This beautiful spring day hit him like that time Lucas had accidentally thrown a basketball at his face Junior year. Hard, and fast and so unexpected.

He grabbed his books, stuffed them into his bag and all but sprinted out of his dorm. He smiled for what was probably the first time in that entire year as the sun hit his face and warmed him from the inside out. Peter made his way through the hot grass dodging frisbees and students until he found the perfect spot. It was a large, old tree, right in the center of the park. It had more leaves than any tree he had ever seen and the trunk was molded so perfectly that his back fit comfortably into it. He opened his books and continued his studying but this time it was different; it was harder to concentrate but once he did it easier to learn. He felt light and warm and happy.

No one talked to Peter that day as he sat by that tree but still he felt less alone than he had his entire life. He felt free.

He took his exam the next day and didn't go back to his room like he always did instead he found the tree again and opened one of his favorite books.

He met his best friends that day. A curious, imaginative, adventurous, pedantic and stubborn girl appropriately, yet coincidentally named Wendy and her boyfriend Jason. They were both Theatre majors like Peter and he vaguely remembered them from some of his classes.

The two of them had brought Peter back to life again. No. They'd done more than that. They helped create Peter 2.0, a new and improved Peter. Confident, loud, carefree and unapologetically happy.

They spent that last part of their freshman year bringing Peter out of his shell. They listened to him and they didn't judge. They made him laugh and cry and storm off in fits of anger. They became his friends and his confidants. They became his family.

As time went on he learned everything about them. They both grew up in Connecticut(though Jason was born in Chicago) just an hour away from Peter, who was in Rhode Island.

Wendy and her sister Harper, who was also at Berkeley, were the products of Chris and Jack's relationship. Jack and Chris had wanted children and had implanted two eggs with each of their sperm into a donor. Both eggs had taken and nine months later Wendy and Harper were born. Wendy once confided in Peter and told him she knew she was Jack's kid and Harper was Chris's but they both pretended they didn't know who their biological father was.

Jason was the middle and favorite child of an airhead heiress and her stockbroker husband. Neither was very well equipped to have kids but they tried and despite being a little neglectful they weren't bad parents.

The two met when they were 15 in ballet class. Jason was new to the class and had tripped over her pointe shoe. "It was love at first sight!" he always says. "He was a fucking idiot." she insists. Still, they grew inseparable. She would wait for him by the door. They would stretch together. He would walk her, and then later on drive her home. They met each others families. He transferred schools for her and then finally when she couldn't ignore it any longer, she asked him on a date.

"It was the dumbest thing I ever did" she joked when they first told Peter their story.

He thought they were beautiful. They were everything he and Jason could have been if Jason had just let them.

The day he heard his friends love story was the last time he cried for Jason. That was when he said his goodbyes. What it all boils down to is he grew up and Jason didn't and he couldn't waste away, waiting for him to do so.

Those last few weeks of freshman year were transformative. He felt like he had changed more in eight weeks than he had in his entire time at 's. By the end of the year Jason informed him that he and Wendy were thinking of living in one of the Co-ops next year and suggested he join them and that's how he ended up here. In Wilde house, the lgbt themed Co-op at UC Berkeley, sitting on a glitter covered couch at 3 in the morning trying to remember random facts about the Tempest. He couldn't ask for a better life.

"Yo earth to Simmonds! You're zoning out dude." Wendy admonished

"Do you remember when we met?" Peter asked ignoring her previous comment.

"Duh. You were sitting by that tree you're like obsessed with, reading Wicked. I fell in love. I had to talk to you." she sighed melodramatically

"Why? Cause I was reading Wicked?" he laughed

"Uh I repeat, duh!"

"Do you talk to every stranger you come across who is reading Wicked?"

"More or less yeah." She said her face completely void of emotion. Suddenly she smiled her cheshire cat smile(the smile that let Peter know she was either onto something or about to mock him) and closed her book. "So…" she said scooting closer to Peter and sitting on his notes "feeling nostalgic are we?" she placed her head on his shoulder and immediately picked it back up "reminiscing about the good old days huh?" she poked his side. It was a carefully choreographed danced. Like most things with Wendy were. Just another one of her quirks. "You're about to cry aren't you, you big baby? she mocked placing her elbows on her knees and her face in her hands as she continued to smile, wide and bright "you do know what that means don't you?" then her smile drops, she sits up straight and looks him in the eye "We clearly have to go to bed because you're obviously exhausted and I can't handle your hazy sentimentality. You might as well be drunk." she said patting him on the shoulder faux sympathetically.

"You're a dick." he pouted knowing she was right, he always got nostalgic when he was worn-out.

Once again she laughed and rose from the couch. "Come on" she ordered as she started putting their stuff away. "I think we've done enough studying for one night. Don't you? Besides if we fail we're still hot enough to become porn stars."

"Touche" he answered getting up to help her pick up "at least we have a backup plan."

They made their way up the stairs both almost tripping over one of Tyler's paintings.

"Goodnight my love I shall dream of the moment we shall reunite" Wendy said with her usual hyperbolic flair when they reached their respective rooms.

"Adieu my sweetest love, rest knowing I am just across the way from you" he couldn't help but occasionally join in on her theatrics it was way too much fun.

"Oh thanks heavens." she exclaimed opening her door and walking half way in "my door shall be but an extension of yours, my dreams shall swim across to join you in yours, my longing shall be placated by the coming morrow."

"Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say goodnight till it be morrow." Peter quoted blowing her a kiss before closing his bedroom door.

He stretched his back before climbing into bed, his fingers instantly seeking out the warmth they were sure to find. "Hey there" he breathed out, a smile on his face, when he felt Lip's arms around his waist. Technically Peter and Jason were roommates and Wendy had a single, however most nights Jason would sleep in his girlfriend's room and Peter would invite Lip over. He had been dating Phillip Levinstein for 10 and a half months now and he couldn't be happier. He was living the life he dreamed of in high school, except Jason had been replaced with Lip. Dreams of going to Jason's games and walking out holding his hand were replaced with the reality of going to Lip's photography exhibits and walking out holding each other up, drunk from all the champagne. Going on a date to a movie theatre or a restaurant was replaced with making up stories and adventures through photographs and emailing them to their friends or making origami cranes in the park and then hiding them all over campus. Spending lazy days in eachothers arms was now marathoning something new on Netflix with Wendy and Jason, and a picnic in the park was now Krav Maga in the park. Jason's golden hair and big blue eyes had become Lip's curly brown mess and caramel gaze. Despite all this his new life felt just like Peter thought it would. He was young, and alive and in love. His parents would disapprove as would his old friends and even Jason himself but he could care less. Right now, in this moment, Lip's arms around his waist and his lips on his neck, he felt peace and that's all that mattered.

"Lip?" he asked nudging his barely awake boyfriend.

"Hmm?" was all he got back from the limp body pressed against his.

Peter sighed and closed his eyes, collecting himself before speaking.

"Thank you. For everything. I...you...you make me very happy so thank you. Now please go back to sleep and ignore my raging sentimentality. It's just cause I'm tired and thinking about my past. I'll go to sleep now, I promise."

The room was dead silent for several minutes and Peter started to think maybe Lip hadn't heard him but right as he was dozing off, he felt Lip move and his grip on Peter's waist get tighter. Then again all was still. One minute passed. Then two. Then three until he felt a hand on his face and a pair of lips on his own, fast and insisting until just as quickly as it happened they pulled away. Then once again, silence. Peter waited for him to say something or at least kiss him again but the silence stretched on even longer than before. It wasn't until he heard Lip's soft snores that he understood. Lip didn't talk about serious things. He just didn't. He made jokes and told stories but when it came to moments like these where he was required to be serious he preferred to stay silent. Not that he was emotionless or distant, he was just different. Peter declared; Lip expressed. He would kiss, and touch and nuzzle and hug. His love was shown in small touches and soft caresses. His anger in punched walls and pulled hair. His pain in stretched fabric and bone-crushing hugs. He was as stoic as a cowboy but as needy as a kitty cat.

That kiss was his way of showing Peter he had been heard and he was appreciated. He laughed softly and buried himself in Lip's embrace, letting the warmth lull him to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

I am so so so so so so so sorry for how long this has taken to update. There has been too much stuff going on in life. That I had no time to think about anything. But I always knew I'd continue this story. I am super excited to continue this. I hope you all like this chapter as uncomfortable and depressing as it is lol and please rate and review!

_My Body is a Cage_

"_My body is a cage that keeps me from dancing_

_with the one I love but my mind holds the key"_

Jason made his way across campus, eager to start packing. He had just finished his Urban Politics final, which just so happened to be his last final of the semester; but in studying for it he had put off packing for his trip to California.

His parents had just bought a penthouse in Marina Del Rey, so instead of going home for Winter Break, Jason and his friends were going there. It had been Nadia's idea originally and at first Jason had been unsure about it, but after how difficult these past few weeks have been, the last thing he wanted was to spend 4 weeks at home.

It's true that him and Nadia's relationship with their parents had greatly improved after his first suicide attempt, and he truly did value how helpful and understanding they had been through this whole process but that didn't mean their constant hovering didn't annoy him. What he needed right now was to relax. Not to have everyone's eyes on him at all times, wondering if he's suicidal again, asking him how his therapy is going, if he thinks he's being cured, inquiring about his love life and doing so much fucking hovering. His sexual abnormality and all the therapy and discomfort that came with it was not something he wanted to discuss in-depth with his parents but they seemed to have other plans.

Luckily his friends were different. It was an unspoken agreement between him and his friends that this was something they had discovered about Jason but not something they discussed. A few of them did sometimes try to talk about it, but it was rare. Not that he cared. He hated talking about this even with his therapist let alone his friends and family. He felt as if the less he talked about it the less real it was, but he knew that wasn't true. Regardless of whether he talked about it or not, it was still there. He was still sick. Bill kept telling him that this was a long process, and that he'd come so far and that he was almost there, but if he was being completely truthful, Jason felt the complete opposite. Instead of better he felt he was getting worse. He was aware that his therapist knew more about the subject than he did but Jason just couldn't shake the feeling that this wasn't working. Instead of feeling a weight leave his shoulders he felt like he was drowning. Suffocating.

When he got to his room, his roommate, Derek was already there,also packing.

" Dude, I had a good reason for leaving this till the last minute but your last final was two days ago! You have no fucking excuse…"

"Fuck off jackass. I've been too busy fucking your mom!" Derek joked back.

"Okay two things" Jason said as he put his bag on Derek's bed. "One, that's fucking gross and two, I am so sorry you had to go through that, my mom's a bitch."

"Yeah she is." Derek said, laughing. "Are you gonna start packing?"

"Yeah but I only have half an hour. I have a meeting at 3:30…" he said awkwardly, not wanting to bring up his therapy; especially with Derek, who was the only one of his friends who had never officially acknowledged his situation.

"oh...uh...you didn't forget about the party tonight right?" he asked trying very hard to sound casual.

"Nah dude. I can pack in half an hour you know that."

"Exactly! So can I, which is why I left it until now."

"Bullshit! I know you've been at this for at least an hour and you're still not done."

"true dat." Derek laughed. "I've spent the last 20 minutes alone just looking for my passport. Still can't find it but...whatever no big deal I'll just sneak on the plane in Matt's suitcase which is probably going to be fucking huge...you know cause Matt's such a fucking girl."

Jason chuckled and started gathering his clothes. "Dude that sucks! Find it because I'd feel kinda bad leaving you behind. I'd still do it, but I'd feel bad."

"Oh also, do you know where my camera went? I wanna take it with us but I can't find that either…" Derek asked from underneath his bed.

"Uh I'm pretty sure Danny took it, so he could impress that film major he's obsessed with."

"Who? Karma?"

"I guess, I dunno I thought her name was Karla…"

"Bro, her name is Karma and nothing Danny does is going to impress her unless he turns into you, cause she keeps asking me about you and I'm pretty sure she wants you to fuck her...and marry her." Derek said, putting on his coat and scarf.

"What makes you say that?" Jason asked distractedly

"She told me." He laughed "Dude she even told me about a sex dream she had about you. Bitch is freaky."

"Oh?" He knew there were a bunch of girls trying to get him to fuck them, or date them, or even marry them but he was pretty sure they all knew he had a girlfriend and after he threw himself off a building last year he was pretty sure they all knew about his sickness too, so he didn't know why they were all still so obsessed with him. "I'm sure Lucy would love to hear all about that." He joked.

"I'm pretty sure she'd run her over with her car or something. Not saying your girlfriend's crazy or anything just, jealous you know?"

"Trust me, I know. Where are you going?" He asked when he looked up to see Derek in his coat, putting gloves on.

"To get my fucking camera back. I don't trust Danny to not break something while he's trying to get into Karma's pants." he said and left without another word.

After Derek's departure it was a lot easier for Jason to concentrate on packing before his meeting. When he was finally done (in 16 minutes, record time!) he put on his coat and walked to his car. He could tell by how empty the parking lot was that half the student body had already gone home. The lucky one's whose finals were over days ago.

Usually he went to his support group every Tuesday, unless class interfered but since everyone was going back home soon, they were having an extra meeting just to make sure everyone was in the right mindset during the holidays, and didn't do anything stupid while they were away and had no one to hold them accountable for their actions.

Jason had originally started out going to a therapist twice a week and working through his depression, his shame, and most importantly, his urges and as time went on Bill thought it would be helpful to meet other people like him. People who were struggling with this unnatural attraction and were trying to fix the problem and lead normal lives. The support group had really helped him put things into perspective and understand that he was not the only one plagued by this but he sometimes felt as if he was the only one not making much progress. Everyone except him had reported a reduction in their thoughts and urges but even though he was trying so hard and doing everything he was supposed to be doing, he still felt as if he was right where he started: Dreaming about him, fantasizing about the feel of his skin or the softness of his lips or the intoxicating scent of his body…pretending it was him and not Lucy he made love to.

But according to Bill, that was it. That was the reason he's made less progress. Many in the group had simply fantasized about being with their own gender, few had had anonymous flings to assuage their lust but he was different. He was the only one who had been with another man. Truly been with him. It hadn't been just a fantasy. He hadn't just fucked him in a public bathroom and left it at that. No, he had lived with him, slept with him, laughed with him, studied with him, eaten with him. They had made plans. 'Forever, you and I' he had promised him, time and time again. It had been five years of his life, of course he couldn't just forget it and move on. He had indulged his desires in a way none of them had and he was paying the price.

As soon as he walked into the large office where the 17 of them met, he was enthusiastically greeted by Louise: a short, sardonic redhead who had latched on to Jason from the moment they met. He didn't really mind it. She reminded him of Nadia.

"Hey! How was your last final?" She asked from across the room. No one even noticed though. They were used to Louise's loud, booming voice by now.

"I think it went fine." He said once he took his seat next to her.

"Of course it did." She said knowingly "you're too perfect to fail anything, ever."

Jason scoffed at that "Louise if I was perfect I wouldn't be here right now, would I?"

"Touche. Have you finished packing for your trip?"

"Yup, right before I got here. Are you sure you can't come?"

"If only my parents would leave me the fuck alone but no, they take Christmas way too seriously over at the stepford house" she said rolling her eyes and crossing her arms petulantly. "Have a drink for me and pray that I don't kill my aunt Rachel. Bitch gets annoying after she's had a few."

Jason laughed and put his arm on her shoulder. "Okay will do, but you'll be missed."

" I better be." She said smirking at him. "Anyways..." she drawled leaning in and lowering her voice. "Have you heard?"

"Heard what?"

"About Aiden?"

"What about Aiden?" He asked, genuinely curious.

"Dude totally fell off the wagon! Like point of no return level."

"What?! What happened?"

"All I know is that he left with this guy from his work. He left his parents a note apologizing and saying they were moving to L.A. and getting married. So..."

"Holy shit! No fucking way!" Jason was shocked to say the least. Aiden had been such a hard worker. He had put in so much effort and he seemed to be making so much progress. And to just throw all that progress away...well, that was certainly a shame. "Damn, I feel bad for his parents."

"I feel bad for him, too." Louise answered "I mean we both know how fucking hard this situation is. It's way easier to give in to it than to fight it. I can't blame him for faltering. I just hope he changes his mind before it's too late. Otherwise..." she trailed off when Bill walked in.

"Alright, we're all here so we're gonna start right away." Bill's voice pierced through the chatter, silencing everyone as he took his seat. "Am I right to assume we have all heard about Aiden?" He started cautiously, his eyes scanning the group for their response and continued "It's a great shame and I hope that instead of judging and condemning him, he will be in all your prayers. We all know how difficult it is to overcome these urges and how easy it is to give in to them especially in today's society with all the queer acceptance and gay marriage. It's easy to get swept up in all that nonsense" He shifted in his seat and turned to Tim "Now, Timothy has some very exciting news to share with us, don't you?"

Tim gave his usual cocky smile. The one that made Jason incredibly uncomfortable for some reason.

"Yes I do Bill." He looked around the room and made direct eye contact with Robbie who was sat to Jason's left before speaking again. "I proposed to Rhea last week. We're getting married in August."

"Well congratulations Timothy! See guys, change **is** possible. It's slow and gradual but in the end you can all lead normal lives if you put your minds to it. I am very proud of you Timothy and I'm sure your parents are as well. I know your same sex attraction has not completely gone away but this is a wonderful step in the right direction."

As Bill spoke, everyone else, Tim included had their eyes fixed on Robbie. They had both admitted to having sinful thoughts towards each other in the past so if anyone's reaction was especially interesting, it was his.

"Congratulations Tim." Robbie said with an awkward smile and immediately turned to Jason for help.

"Yeah man congratulations!" Jason said loudly. Everyone's attention was now on him. "You're a real inspiration man." He added. He meant it too. There was nothing Jason wanted more than to have a normal life. It just didn't seem possible for him right now but Tim was on his way to accomplishing it. And he genuinely did seem happy, so change was definitely possible, like Bill always said.

After everyone was done congratulating Tim on his engagement, the session truly began. They each went around the circle and spoke about their progress as well as their obstacles. Jason waited nervously as he listened to his companions.

Tim talked about his bride to be and how glad he was with his decision and the direction his life was going. Robbie awkwardly confessed to being upset by the news of Tim's engagement and feeling a setback in his progress. Alexis complained about Penny , the sorority girl who kept asking her out and who she swore was definitely testing her patience but not her resolve. Damian delighted and scandalized everyone with the story of his first sexual encounter with a girl. And then it was Jason's turn and his stomach dropped. He had so much to say, so much turmoil inside of him that he didn't even know how or where to start.

"Alright why don't you start by telling us how you are?" Bill suggested "I'll admit I've been a little worried about you recently."

"Oh! Uhh, I don't really know..." He sighed "I'm not gonna try to kill myself again if that's what you're worried about. But..."

"That's good to hear." Bill said and motioned for him to continue.

"I...I think...I..." jason sighed again in frustration, then took a deep breath to try to calm himself down. "I'm just...I'm pissed off I guess, because I'm **not **getting better. I'm getting better at ignoring it and at pretending to be someone else but I'm not actually getting better. I still have these thoughts and these feelings and I hate that. I hate that I might never get better, you know? That I'll just learn to suppress it enough to live a normal life but I'm never going to be normal myself."

"If you ask me that's more than good enough though." Harry said in his usual nonchalant, matter of fact, way.

"I guess, but I'm fucking miserable and I hate the thought of being this miserable for the rest of my life. And I think of what would make me happy and it's all shit I can't control because being like this doesn't make me happy, so even if I was with him" he knew he didn't have to say who _him _was. They all knew. "I wouldn't be happy because being with him is wrong and it's disgusting and everyone I care about would hate me and stop talking to me but...being without him is making me miserable and being with this poor girl I'm not attracted to, is making me miserable."

"Then what would make you happy?" Bill asked

"The only thing that would make me happy is to be normal or...or dead. But I'm neither of those things. And I don't understand what I did to deserve this fucking...disease...I just..I want it to go away but it's not. And I'm trying so fucking hard and I'm doing everything you tell me to do but at the end of the day I'm still a fucking queer, and I'm still pining after a guy my fucking diseased brain convinced me I was in love with and I'm just so fucking exhausted." He exhaled loudly. "So yeah..."

Bill remained quiet, waiting for Jason's emotions to calm down.

"I'm sorry." Jason said after a while. "I wish I had something more positive to share."

"Jason…" Bill started attempting to catch his eye, except his patient refused to look at anything but his own hands. "this isn't one of those society banquets and balls your mother throws. We don't just share good news and gossip here. This is where you kids come to overcome this problem that plagues both you and our society as a whole. Hey, look at me when I speak to you, I'm not talking to the top of your head."

A few moments passed before Jason could overcome his shame enough to look up at his mentor. When he finally did look up, his shocked companions looked at each other in awe. In the almost two years they had known Jason, no one had ever seen him cry. Not even after he tried to kill himself last year and they had gone to see him at the hospital. But now here he was, blue eyes brimming with tears that his pride refused to let spill and it was worrisome to say the least. If he was upset enough to be almost crying in front of them, then the situation was worse than any of them originally thought.

"Thank you." Bill continued "I am so incredibly proud of all of those here who have made incredible strides in their journey but I think I'm proudest of you. You may feel like a failure Jason but you've shown a strength of character that quite frankly surprised even me. When you first came to me and I heard your story about how you had engaged in such an unhealthy and delusional attachment to that boy, I honestly thought you'd leave my guidance quickly and go back to that lifestyle but here we are, 3 and a half years later and you're still going strong. Like I've told you before you are in a tougher situation than everyone else. The way this thing grabbed a hold of you and the attachment you shared with that boy makes it very difficult for you to get better. Difficult but I swear, not impossible. You've gotten so much better already, even if you can't see it. Trust me. It's a slow and painful process but I promise you one day you'll wake up and this will be a thing of the past." Bill paused and looked around the room dramatically before once again making eye contact with Jason. "All of you here are suffering from a mental disorder. Nothing more, and just like it's difficult to treat someone's Schizophrenia, it is difficult to treat this and just like some people have a more severe form of OCD than others, some of you have harder urges to suppress. That's okay. The important thing is that instead of listening to the liberal propaganda that is running rampant in our country you're here getting help. In the end that makes all the difference to God." Bill once again paused to look around at the others, this time with a look that suggested that one of them should offer up some encouragement.

"He's right!" Louise said immediately. "You're doing so much better and if you continue on instead of trying to hurt yourself again you'll be able to look back on all this and be proud of yourself."

"You say that you didn't know what you did to deserve this but you didn't do anything." Anna said before Jason could respond to Louise. She was a shy mexican girl who usually only spoke when directly addressed and was the only one there who had attempted suicide more times than Jason. These two things meant that whenever she dispensed any advice it had an air of sage intelligence to it.

"You don't deserve this." she continued. "No one deserves this but I happen to think you're strong enough to make it through this and you know we're all here for you. All of us are here to help you so stop fucking acting like we're not. If you need to talk, which clearly you do then talk to us. Any of us. We can understand what you're going through and we can fucking help. So like, let us okay?"

"Well fuck Anna, thanks for taking my spotlight." Louise joked, as usual making everyone else laugh too. "Here I thought I'd be the one giving him some heartfelt encouragement and you just show up out of leftfield to steal my thunder."

"Sorry Louise." Ann said with the brightest smile they'd ever seen on her.

"No thanks to the both of you for speaking up." Bill chimed in. "I hope they we were able to help you in some way." He said looking at Jason.

"Yes, sir it did." Jason nodded, clearly still fighting off tears. "Thanks guys…" he paused suddenly, not knowing how to convey any of the things he was thinking and not enjoying everyone's eyes on him right now. "Can we please move on though? I think I'm done getting stared at, for today." he joked awkwardly.

"Yes." Bill declared emphatically "Anna! Since we seem to have gotten you in a talking mood how about you go next…"

Anna talked about her family and how nervous she was about disappointing them and so on but at this point Jason was too busy failing to collect himself to really listen. He sensed he was right on the verge of some kind of breakdown.

He was never one to cry much but recently that's all he really felt like doing. He was ashamed of it. 'One more to the list.' he thought How many more things could he be ashamed of?

At this point the list was overflowing.


End file.
